The best way to lie is to pull from previous memories.
For example, if I had to fake a smile,
I would recall the last time I genuinely smiled,
Like the Thursday night I spent on a campus that wasn’t mine
Party hopping and giggling without a care in the world
Promising myself that I would allow myself the luxury of having fun more often
In fact, I would go out tomorrow night
That in and of itself was a lie
It's an incredibly useful skill. I’ve honed my emotions for that very reason.


It’s a skill I use when I’m asked about you.
I call back to a time when I believed that I was over you
A time when I believed that I could live without you.
A time when the only thing I felt was contempt and anger
A time when I was sure you no longer meant anything to me
I pull on the threads of frustration, exasperation, indignation- all the ations
And sew together a curtain that shields me from the truth.


The best way to lie to yourself is to have hope
Hope that no one sees that through the curtain.
Behind it,
There's a girl sitting in her dressing room, eyes glassed and breath bated,
Hoping that you'll come back to raise it.
Hoping that she and you would perform a play more in line with her hopes.
Hoping that there was a resolution to the situation in which we stayed together.