you are no lover of mine
they are curious so that is what i sate their hunger with
by definition, you are no lover of mine
do not refer to him as my lover, i say
he is no lover of mine


on this plane, you are no lover of mine


my dream state sings a different tune
in all these months, seldom did i dream of you
but lately, in my silent time of nee
you visit me in my sleep
and you sit by my side
and i can't remember if we exchange syllables or not
but your presence feels like a hug


i find comfort in the thought that i might speak to you one day
not about what happened
just about my day, and the things i think
my stomach pangs for a conversation with you
banter with you
for ebb and flow with you
i find a thought floating in my mind
that no one can understand me the way you can
from the angle you can


you are no lover of mine
but i hold the thought of you dear
and i wonder what it would be like if you were
it is something i've told myself time and time again to not desire
to find revolting and to distance myself from
im disappointed in myself
i wonder if this is obsession
i consider myself a madwoman
i suffer at my own hand,
stabbing my own thoughts in between my ribs
in hopes to bleed out the habit of thinking of you in such a manner


and when i pray
your name flees from my tongue
i ask God to guide you
and surround you with love where i cannot reach


do not refer to him as my lover, i say!
he is no lover of mine
there's a photo of you
that I should not know of
it may kill me to look at it one day
it may be killing me now
it prickles at my chest and makes my bones scream
clad in black cotton, angelic still without trying
you don't try, it's easy for you


i envy your apathy
the level of distance you keep from me
the emotion that you can keep contained and tucked within you
it's also possible that these emotions don't exist in your world


after all,
i'm no stranger to feeling alone
to being crazy
after all,

you are no lover of mine.